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My Husband

I love my husband, unconditionally and unequivocally.

I think that is why I have felt rather forlorn the past few days. I suppose I could blame it on hormones but I think it is more his impending absence from our family. Every where we go, "So I here you are leaving", "How long are you going to be gone?", "What are you going to be doing?", "Where are you going to be at". It is great that people care and take the time to ask. However, it is hard to be constantly putting on "the face". The face of strength. I'm just not that strong.

So it's killing me. Here he is getting ready to leave and I'm just plain grumpy! That's not fair to him... heck, it's not fair to me.

Sometimes it is the little thing that set me off. He is so good about making my coffee every morning. He doesn't drink coffee but the pot is almost always ready to go when I drag my heine out of bed in the morning. This morning it wasn't ready. No biggie, I certainly wasn't upset with him. But my first thought was, "Leanne, get used it it. He won't be making your coffee in the not-too-far distant future." It's little thoughts like that which just dig this hole that I want to crawl into and come out of when this is all through.

I don't want him to go. I want to enjoy our anniversary together, and 4th of July, and Christmas and every other holiday that we will miss being together. I want him to make my coffee every morning & enjoy a glass of wine with over dinner every night.

But this Army wife will suck it up. The 'face of strength' is just a face when he is around, because he is my strength. But I do know that once he is gone I will be the strength. We've been separated for periods of time before because of Army duties and quite frankly I amaze my self with the strength I muster to keep our family going. But why does this transition process have to be so hard?

Do you have any hints? Any tips on the transitioning and keeping my heart in the right place while he is home? I am reading a book: "Separated By Duty, United in Love" by Shellie Vandeboorde that is very helpful. But I would love to hear some other 'real life' ideas.

Thanks!

Leanne from MilitaryAvenue.com

6 comments:

  1. HANG IN THERE..I HAVE BEEN THROUGH 3 DEPLOYMENTS IN 3 YEARS.. MY HUSBAND LEFT WHEN OUR SON WAS A MONTH OLD AND AGAIN WHEN OUR DAUGHTER WAS 5 DAYS OLD.. HIS 1ST TOUR WAS 3 DAYS AFTER WE WERE MARRIED.. IT WAS ROUGH.. THEY SAY IT GETS EASIER BUT TO ME ITS HARDER.. BUT I KEPT MYSELF PREOCCUPIED..EVERYDAY I MADE A PLAN TO DO SOMETHING..WHETHER IT BE GOING TO WALMART OR GOING ON A NICE WALK. THEN BY THE END OF THE DAY I SENT MY HUSBAND AN EMAIL OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED THAT DAY.. HE ENJOYED THEM ALTHOUGH HE DIDNT GET TO READ EVERYONE OF THEM.. I ALSO HAD MY KIDS MAKE A STRING OF LINKS... EVERYDAY WE WOULD CUT A PEICE OF CONSTRUCTION PAPER AND MY SON WOULD EITHER DRAW WHAT HAPPENED OR ID HELP HIM WRITE SOMETHING HE WANTED TO TELL DADDY ABOUT HIS DAY.. WHETHER IT BE WHAT HAPPENED OR HOW HE FELT.. THEN WE WOULD ADD IT ONTO OUR CHAIN.. WE DID IT UP TO THE DAY HE CAME HOME.. ALSO WE TOOK A CANDY JAR AND FILLED IT WITH HERSEY KISSES.. EVERYDAY WE WOULD TAKE ONE OUT AND EAT IT.. WHEN THERE WAS 1 LEFT, HE WAS ON HIS WAY HOME..

    ALSO.. CRY... CRY ALOT,...ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL THOSE EMOTIONS.. IF YOU DONT AND KEEP THEM BOTTLED UP YOU WILL BREAK DOWN ONE DAY.. LOOK AT PICTURES AND SEND PACKAGES AND CARDS..ITS GONNA BE HARD AND SOME DAYS YOU WONT WANT TO GET OUT OF BED..BUT YOU WILL MAKE IT.. I PROMISE.. JUST HAVE FAITH...

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  2. Well let me see me and my hubby have been together 8 years. I can't believe it! That's the longest I have ever been in a relationship before HA! Well he has been deployed alot, he used to be a tanker, and he deployed a month after our first child was born in 2001, and then he wasn't even here for the second one in 05 but when he changed his MOS he was able to be here from the conception to the birth of our third and final child. So during the deployments, I took up so many hobbies, and invovled myself in things, like painting, stained glass, during the first Iraq deployment I was a mess, I constantly stayed home around the phone, or had my phone forwarded to my cell phone, and I never went anywhere which made it WORSE, I never wanted to do anything the 6month mark was the worst, I had it made up on he'll be home in 6 months paa so after 6 months, I joined a ballet class with my daugther, I got another dog, and I took trips and traveled when I had my one and only first child! but during the second deployment I had a new baby I needed to take care of, so my time was filled with things so I wouldn't miss him much until the night time, so yeah you know it is the Army thing, and I know my hubby leaves in 2009, but I won't brood over that much until the day before he leaves, just sit back enjoy the time you all have together, then once he is deployed (tell him to take his laptop and webcam so you guys can chat) that makes it alot eaiser too

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  3. Hang on chick you'll make it:) I know it seems tough and you will pick at each other before he goes, it's normal. The start of a deployment is always the hardest because this person who you're used to having around suddenly isn't anymore but as time goes on it gets easier. Sure you'll have your bad days but there's nothing wrong with that either. In the meantime keep busy! If you're not working try to find a job or go back to school. Take up a new hobby, find some art classes or something at your local Y, community center, library or craft shop. Volunteer! Libraries, hospitals, animal shelters, zoos, aquariums, Coast Guard Auxiliary (or any other military auxiliaries), they all need volunteers. Houses of worship are always looking for volunteers with cleaning, admin work, gardening etc. Either way you'll be doing something worthwhile to keep you occupied and meet new people:)

    You can join a club for any interest you have (check Meetup.com) or hit the gym if you always wanted to lose weight, get in shape etc. It's something to do and you stay healthy!

    I know it'll be tempting to stay glued to the phone and computer while he's away but that's not living your life and so long as you stay busy the days will go by faster and soon you'll be getting ready for him to come home:) I always look at it this way when he has to leave, the sooner he goes the sooner he can get back and once he leaves the countdown to his return has already started. Also try not to count the days, 60 weeks and 6 days might feel a little less depressing than 400 days at least until they dwindle down into the double and finally single digits:)

    Hold on and definitely feel free to vent. That always helps:) Hugs!

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  4. Wow, thanks for all of your heart-felt comments. I am so thankful for friends & family and those that I know will lift me up. I know we will make it. I know I will make it. But man this past week, when I know I should be soaking him up, I've just been grumpy. He leaves in x number of days ... why do I have to feel this way now?!

    I take solice in Shellie Vandewoorde's book though. She seems to indicate that it isn't just me. Ah, I love being normal. :).

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  5. Wow! It must have been that Lunar Eclipse. This past week has been miserable for me and my husband as well. He's deployed for the second time this year. (He came home in January for 9 days between deploymnets). He just found out this week it's going to be longer than expected. However, the Powers-That-Be will not give him a return date (everyone else knows exactly when they'll return home) So we have no Homecoming Date to count down to.
    Then I said something insensitive when we got to talk. It was a "funy" comment that would not have been noticed had he been sitting beside me when I said it. Now he doesn't really want to talk to me for a while. His morale is really low-and the mission is suffering.
    I feel your pain. And I know all about the "face" you have to put on. I work at Airman and Family Readiness, I think the Army calls it Family Readiness Group. We are where families come for support during delployments. I have to appear happy, confident, professional and capable. I cannot "lose it" at work, as much as I'd like to.
    I have a book to reccommend to you:Going Overboard: The Misadventures of a Military Wife by Sarah Smiley. The author is remarkably candid. She writes from the heart and you won't believe how brutally honest she is. Many of her situations we have all lived through and felt the same, but were afraid to say our true feelings, or opinions.

    Bottom Line: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We're all in the same boat with you....lets grab a a paddle and go!

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  6. I am so glad you wrote this blog. You summed up alot of what I am feeling. My husband has been over there since October. Right before he left, I felt annoyed and grumpy and couldn't understand why. I got thru it, and made sure to reassure him I love him and support him. I still have my ups and downs, but like everyone said, keeping busy helps. I go to the gym, and love to make creative packages to send him. We have also just discoverd Skype, a program to call computer to computer with video. Just seeing him, no matter if it is blurry sometimes, really really helps. We send lots of emails to each other with what's going on in our days...I think it's so important so you don't grow apart.
    So thanks for your site and blogs, and you will make it thru his deployment.

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