Angst and Insecurities

There is a bit of teenage-angst in my house right now. *J*, 16 years old, driver’s license, girlfriend, soccer, nearly-straight A’s, lots of friends from school, three parents that LOVE him, (I’m step-mom),want to give him his space and yet recognize that sometimes too much space isn’t good either. He’s not quite sure what to do with the raging hormones, the insecurities, the pull between friends, two families, and self.

Mom is a single-mom.  It is just Mom and *J* in that household. *J* is treated a little bit older, I suspect; perhaps more of a confidante. Dad is a dad of three sons and soon to be four, plus his lovely bride (That’s me!). The two houses are SO VERY different. Life can’t focus around any one-person for any length of time around here. There are schedules to be managed. Multiple sporting events to be attended. Lots of homework to be juggled. Work-schedules to be worked around.  Equality is the name of the game. *J* has every right to feel a little confused about his roots, his place in this great hemisphere of craziness.

He is loved. He can not deny that. No one has said, “I don’t want you; I don’t have time for you. You stay-put and I’ll send a birthday-card and call you once in awhile.” His family has said, ‘it will have its own struggles but you will be part of our lives!’

Funny, here I am, 36 years old, with my own insecurities, my own angst. I hate to tell *J* he isn’t going to grow out of these feelings; the reason for the angst just changes.  What he is going through right now is life-changing, life-affirming and life-learning. Definitely part of growing up.

I attended a wonderful Women’s Event this weekend about insecurities. Beth Moore presented it and I was entertained, humored and brought to my knees all over the course of moments. What I took away from it was … the first step to get over my insecurities, and we all have them, is to forgive. She really hammered at how important it is to forgive others. I really took the need to forgive myself to heart. Anytime I think … I can’t do that; I’m not good enough for that; I don’t even want to try; … I can probably pinpoint a time where I had done something stupid in the past that influenced who I am today. (Not that everything I have done was stupid, that is not what I am saying… but I did make some-stupid decisions, don’t we all, as a teenager, a 20-something, etc etc that somehow still impact me today.) I need to forget about them… start anew… forgive myself and get ready to tackle my fear – my insecurities.

*J* had a long talk with his Dad. I’m so glad he has loved-ones to turn to. I hope that he is learning. Learning what life is about. Learning what the years in front of him have in store. I hope he knows we love him. Unconditionally. Our insecurities can shape us for the better. He… I… You… needs to know that if we grab those insecurities by the reins, figure out /what/ has created them and then LET GO life is going to take us for a WONDERFULLY, GLORIOUS ride!

– Leanne from MilitaryAvenue.combyLeanneonTuesday, April 27, 2010Military Life:,,

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