50 Shades of Selfishness

Have you ever sat through a sermon at church and thought, “Holy Cow is the pastor spying on me?  Taking note of where I am lacking? Making sermons that speak to only me?” 

There was a word running through my head all week: “Selfishness”.  It was the first full week of Summer Break and every time I turned around there were kids’ toys… on the counter, on the table, on the floor, on the couch, on the deck, in the grass.  You name it.  There were toys.

I was trying to wrap my head around the mess.  No matter how much I reminded the boys to pick up after themselves, no matter how often I tried to help them pick up, no matter how tempted I was to take all the little legos, hot wheels, army men, etc etc, and send them to Boy-Toy Heaven (aka the garbage can) the mess was engulfing me.  The word I keep thinking … selfish.  My boys are human and by our sinful-nature they are selfish.  If they are in the middle of looking at their Pokemon cards and suddenly a squirt gun fight is calling their name, they are outta there.  Pokemon cards left on the couch.  They aren’t thinking about the next person that wants to sit on the couch; the baby brother that is going to take those cards and spread them all over the floor; or the momma that is going to capture those Pokemon and claim them as her own.

Our minister today started out with his own story about selfishness and how it relates to his own young family.  I was suddenly struck with how these thoughts of selfishness were planted in me earlier in the week (and right there I was brought to tears …. thank goodness there are packs of tissues in our pews at church!)  You see it wasn’t just my boys that I had been thinking of and the word selfish all week.  There was my husband.  And there is me.

After I get the boys to bed I sit down in my favorite recliner with the laptop.  “Just for a few minutes”.  A few minutes turns into a few hours every night and before you know it is time for bed.  “Me time”, I label it.  Selfish is where it falls.  The only few hours I have each day to spend with my husband and I spend it behind the computer, not once in awhile, but all the time.  It is a rut that I struggle to get out of.

I ran across a blog post from ‘…To Love, Honor and Vacuum’, which also spoke to my “selfish me time” when I knew I desperately needed ‘we time’ with Hubs, for both of our emotional well-being.  I encourage you to read the whole blog-post, but here is a tiny excerpt:

“Libido is a “use it or lose it” phenomenon. If you want to get in touch with sexy, try making love every night for a week. …” – How to Spice Things Up without Fifty Shades of Grey

Conviction flowed through me at church today.  Seeds, God planted seeds throughout the week.  Through loving, kind and sometimes not so subtle reminders He helps me water them and watches them grow into a beautiful thriving vine of truth that grounds me to deeper relationships here on Earth as well as with my own Heavenly Father.

What has God laid on your heart that needs examining, prayer, changing?  Take a moment to listen and you will be surprised how loudly He can speak.

– Leanne from

PS: I’m a huge proponent of ‘me-time’!  I’ve written about it before and I’ll continue to advocate for the young parents out there (as well as care-givers of our wounded warriors and others that have someone under their charge).  However, there is a time and a place.  We don’t need it all the time, especially if ‘too much me-time‘ interferes with your we-time.

Join UsFind us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Visit our blog Find us on Google+ Follow Us on PinterestbyLeanne KocsisonSunday, June 17, 2012Military Life:,,,,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *