It is finally Friday and I am utterly exhausted! I had one of those weeks that I would prefer to just let go down the bathtub drain after a long soak … Yet through it all I can be so very thankful for support, for friendship, for prayer, for understanding.
Some of it stems from earlier troubles. I have felt that my six-year-old is still not adjusting to this deployment very well. (Deployment Troubles of a 5 year-old) I berate myself for being an ineffective mom and then tell myself to quit being so hard on myself – all in one breath. I finally called MilitaryOneSource on Monday when all the boys were in school.
I talked to a very-helpful counselor on the phone. We both agreed that *E* was too young to be having these troubles. He is putting up a brick-wall and not able to handle conflict AT ALL. A minor conflict between friends, such as not agreeing on what game to play, can send him running inside and hiding under the dining room table. He will refuse to come out & refuse to talk to even me. He holds all of his pain in (no matter how small) and it breaks this mom’s heart.
So the counselor set me up with an appointment with a local LCSW 10 minutes from my house. That appointment was set for Wednesday. I had talked to my youngest brother the night before, Tuesday. James is a LCSW equivalent in Michigan and he gave me some pointers for talking with the counselor here in Ohio. James works with prisoners not children so he pointed out that his advice for me was limited. However, it was so relieving to talk to someone, my brother, that I knew really cared for *E* and my own well being.
Wednesday came and an hour before I was to leave for my appointment my dad contacted me to say Mom was in some serious medical trouble. ACK. I hate walking into new situations so I was already on-edge about meeting with the counselor. That feeling was abruptly over-written by the concern for my mom and dad.
I left to meet with the counselor knowing that things with mom were not stable, but what could I do – sit at home and worry and miss my meeting? That wasn’t a choice. I’m still not convinced this counselor is a 100% fit for our needs. However, it felt good to make the right steps in helping my son. I have another appointment set for next week and then I will decide if it is time to call MilitaryOneSource again and find a different referral.
I got home and had a message on the machine that ‘Mom was fine’. Her earlier complications were a bit of a false-call. The complications were real, but the diagnosis wasn’t as bad as feared. Huge sigh of relief! It might have been easy to be mad about getting worked up about not so much. But instead I was thankful that she was a-okay!
That night I had my regular get-together with a small-group of friends. We meet every week on Wednesday nights. After the week I was having so far I was not in the mood to be social though. I told my mom this on the phone, after she called to tell me the good news that she was ok. Her response was of all weeks this is the night I really need to be with a community of friends. I needed their support and prayers. She was so right. I was glad to go and share and to be lifted up by friends.
After I hung up with my mom on Wednesday off to the hospital my boys and I went for an x-ray of *E*’s wrist. He had his yearly-physical earlier in the week and he was in the 4th percentile for his height. (Meaning 96% of boys his age are taller then he is.) A doctor looked at the x-ray to determine his ‘bone age’. If his ‘bone age’ didn’t line up with his actual age there could be problems and tests and more tests. The good news is the office called yesterday and his bone-age is normal. My 6-year old is just a bit on the shorter side… he’ll make a great wrestler some day his uncle pointed out!
Last night on the way home from *E*’s soccer game “Another One Bites The Dust”, by Queen was piping on the radio. My boys were rocking in the backseat! They had never heard it before and I was watching them in the mirror and their faces – It was priceless. I refuse to ‘bite the dust’ with what this life hands me, particularly while my soul-mate is half way across the world. (But a glass of wine and a bubble bath sure are called for after this week!)