The Rubber Band Effect

Baby Boy *L*, 6 months old, as cuddly as they come. I am trying desperately to establish an earlier bed time routine. We have been nursing from 8:30pm till 11pm – Yes, for that long – in the comfort of my bed, my legs stretched out with a good book in my hands or my iPad at my side. By 11pm I’m exhausted. If I try to put him in bed any earlier he wakes up within 20 to 30 minutes. He knows!

I’m ready for bedtime in the 9pm hour. Time for hubs and I. Because our relationship is like an industrial rubber band. It’s strong but it is being stretched, big-time. How many times will he hear “Not tonight, dear”? How often will I slip off into sleepdom 10 seconds after hitting the pillow? How I long to let that rubber-band be not quite as stretched and have more give in my evening hours.

Every night *L* is in his bed at 11pm… up and mad sometimes in the midnight hour but always before 2am. He joins us because I’m tired. Way tired. I can easily lay him between hubs and I and he can nurse while I drift in and out of sleep. *L* is comfortable. He is warm. He is between the two people he loves the most. Life is good.

I can see how he would be mad about my recent decision that he needs to stay in his bed at night. I nurse him in his room. I put a CD player playing our favorite quiet music, Loreena McKennitt. I put the small clock that plays nature sounds to wind for some white noise when the CD is done. I knew this would work. He would get comfortable in his room. He would sleep like a baby for more than a few hours.

Two nights ago there was much gnashing of teeth and frustration from 11pm until 4am. After more screaming then I thought possible from those little lungs he fell asleep in his bed with my pajama shirt clutched tightly in his fingers. (I carefully slipped it off and let him sleep with it… which he did for a couple of hours… no more, no less.)

Last night Hubs and I lasted till 1am and out of pure exhaustion brought him back in to our room. I feel like we are failing and all the parenting experts would say you are /never/ going to get him out of your room if you cave. But we need more than 4 hours of sleep.

So the rubber band is still stretched. I can only take comfort in the fact that it will not stretch beyond its means and will bounce back … now if only I could say the same about my achy, aging, sleep-deprived body.